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“The same innocent phrases and claims used in everyday language by empathic people can also be used in manipulative ways by narcissistic individuals to gaslight their victims. Although theoretically these phrases can be said by anyone to manipulate, it’s common for narcissistic and psychopathic individuals to misuse these common phrases to maintain control over their relationships. It’s important to consider the context of when, why, and how these phrases are used so we can better identify manipulation and resist self-blame when it is unwarranted…

2.  My ex was toxic. When empathic people say this phrase, they’re usually speaking to the reality of an ex-partner who was abusive or mistreated them in some way. When narcissists say this, they are often creating a false narrative about a partner they themselves mistreated and are now mischaracterizing in order to play the victim. The key to identifying the difference is in their patterns of behavior: if they claim their ex was toxic yet frequently engage in crazymaking and manufacture chaos, chances are they’re misrepresenting who was the true instigator of toxicity in their previous relationship. ” — Shahida Arabi, MA